Listless and life lessons.
Ice sparkles like life on the dark, paved roads. I’m beautiful, but dangerous, and I will turn on you in an instant. So you sit, a little drunk, a little saddened and a little full of wonderlust while you try to make sense of something you will never understand.
They say some people never change, but I will always be left wondering why they say this with such a negative connotation, because some people never change and I thank god for that tonight, experiencing a high that only comes with true love- and not the kind of love that involves romance. True, complete love for a person. People. Those people you never want to have to say aren’t in your life anymore . This high will bring you crashing down as miles begin to separate you, only separated more by the vast differences.
Longing for a person that is still there but has changed is a feeling I would wish not on my greatest of enemies, because that is something that only comes with the true hardening of hearts.
I want to write now, go continue this story, but sinking myself back into that hole just for a creative breakthrough or simply to make sure the story gets told is having a deafening, crippling effect on the life I am trying to live now.
I want to drink water and fall into a listless sleep, restful and deep and without dreams of you tonight. Please, if there is a god, keep him from my dreams tonight. I cannot have him, I do not want him, I will never need him. So why do I still feel him, crave him, envision him? Is it because I am longing for that time, and not that person? Am I mixing up nostalgia for the times that I had that ran parallel to the feelings I had and I just can’t tell the difference because I was so wrapped up in you and I and us and the fantasy? The jaded, momental reality?
I am too drunk to try and explain.
Goodnight, my beautiful followers.
